i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
