I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
