ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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