Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize