I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
