being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
