I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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