so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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