You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish i was in the wii world.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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