as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
