Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
