she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
