quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
