i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i now understand why vodka
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
