im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
