im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize