Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize