I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
