You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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