Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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