He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
