Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
