Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
