This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
