Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
