You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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