I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
