Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
