after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
