i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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