my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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