Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
