you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Semen is not good for contacts.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
