Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
