im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
