I will die if light touches me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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