Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
