just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
