so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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