Swine flu is the new snow day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
