The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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