So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
