Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
