Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
