I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
