Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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