I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
