How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
