Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
