Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
