It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
