i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
