so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
