i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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