I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
