Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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