I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
