I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
