My hand turned me down
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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