Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
