you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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