You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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