Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
