Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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