oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize