drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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