Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
