i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
