I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
