My cat gives me a boner
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
