I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
