see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
