Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
