How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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