So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
