My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
