im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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