Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
