I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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