Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
