So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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