I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have tasted many bathrooms
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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