You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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