Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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