I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize