yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
