My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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