google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
