Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
