Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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