If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
