Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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