i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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