In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize