i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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