Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
