that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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